im sorry :(

hi bloggy, i feel like im bad girl. you know why? because im a little selfish. disaa dia sibuk, aku tuh gabisa sabar. tapi terkadang, bahkan sering aku tergoda. i get tired of waiting. but when i know my mistakes, i realy want to keep my promise. to keep loyal to him. sometimes i doubt on him. walaupun aku tau dia gapernah ngeraguin aku. dan aku tuh bete kalo cuma aku doang yang bilang kangen sama dia. padahal sebenernya dia ngerasain yg sama, cuma dia gabilang aja sama aku. aaaaaaaaaaaaaah mgerasa bersalah. ngerasa egois. egois banget sumpah.
i  really want to say sorry. i cant understand you. im being selfish. but youre always undertand me. you give me what i want, but sometimes you didnt know what i mean. well, i'll be channge. more loyal. and still loving you altough youre busy.
aku pernah bilang kalo kamu serius aku akan nungguin kamu sampe kamu dateng ke indonesia buat ketemu aku. to say "i love you". but.............. kamu bilang "you dont have to wait" sometimes it hurt. if only you were here right now, i will never go away from you.
oke, sekali lagi aku bilang kalo mungkin ini tuh aneh but i dont know what i feel. i feel comfort and i never felt this way before. sebelumnya aku tuh selalu disakitin sama cowok. tapi skrg aku tuh ngerasa dihargain sama cowok. ngerasa dbikin special.
btw, jack juga belum nyari cewek soalnya waktu itu aku bilang dia HARUS bilang ke aku kalo dia udah nemuin cewek yg dia mau but he never found. i think he really serious with me. and we just need time and need a lot of money to meet up and to be together :)
well, i really say sorry about it. and i will be loving you still <3

my 18th birthday

hi bloggy baru sempet posting nih, padahal niatan pas hari H, but i get sick. bloogy mau tau ga kalo gue tuh seneeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeng banget. you know why? karena dia ngucapin ulangtahun ke gue. walaupun cuma "happy birthday <3" tapi senengnya ga udah udah loh hihihi okesip lebay
oiya capek bgt loh lagi ospek gitu haha tapi pas temen temen gue kerumah semua seakan terbayar haha walaupun cuma sebentar tapi seneng bisa ngumpul ngumpul hehehe oiya gue dikasih surprise loh sama rumpi({})
sebenernya bingung mau nulis apa ehehe kmrn excited bgt tapi skrg malah buyar haha yaaah intinya gue seneng jack ngucapin happy birthday to me. dannnn aku cuma mau dia, bukan yang lain hihi
kadang aku sendiri masih suka nganggep diri aku aneh. bisa bisa jatuh cinta lewat dunia maya.okey, thats first. awalnya sih iseng iseng karena abis putus. itupun ga lgsg jatuh cinta ya. tapi beberapa bulan kemudian, semakin sering chatting dan semakin deket. gatau kenapa rasanya beda banget. dulu waktu pacaran gapernah ngerasa seseneng aku chatting sama jack. terus gatau kenapa aku tuh gabisa bohong ke dia dan selalu ngomong jujur dan apa adanya. dia pun begitu. dan semakin hari udah semakin dekeeeet banget udah kaya orang pacaran. sebenernya kita emang ga pacaran. dia selalu bilang semua itu karena JARAK. well, first time i hear this, im cry. sedih, nyesek. sekalinya ketemu sama orang yg bener bener sayang sama aku malah kaya gini. mungkin ini yang namanya cinta tidak harus memiliki.
tapi dia gaberubah sedikitpun. tetep sayang sama aku. tapi ya gitu, kita emg ga pacaran tapi kita udah kaya orang yang pacaran. kita berdua juga sama sama belum pernah ngerasain yang namanya LDR.
inget banget waktu tanggal 25 desember aku nanya
n: do you ever have long distance relationship?
j: nope, how about you?
n: nope
j: do you want to be in one?
n: i dont know, hbu?
j: yeah sure why not:p
inget banget dia ngmng gitu, ganyangka banget dia ngajakin ldr tapi guenya masih ragu. dan penyesalan selalu datang belakangan. nyesel knp gabilang iya. tapi dia tetep gaberubah sedikit pun. dan dia bilang dia gamau ninggalin aku. gimana gue bisa tertarik sama orang lain kalo ada orang yang sebegini sayangnya sama aku?

always feel like this

hi bloggy, i wanna tell you something nih hehe well, i have good news and bad news. the good is, hm 4 days again im birthday. and the bad, he was very busy. so, he never come to online anymore. waktu dia online gue malah offline dan sebaliknya-_- but, dia pernah chat beberapa kali sama sepupu gue. he said that he is busy with his homework and he said that he remember my birthday. he just confused apa yg mau dia kasih ke gue.
gue cuma mau dia ngucapin kok itu aja udah cukup. but he never online lately. how can he say happy birthday to me? aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa:(
ohiya, i hate when he never online like this. i just afraid. afraid that he will forget me. afraid that he find a good girl over there and im afraid that he not love me anymore. i always feel like this when we are not chatting. sebenernya blm begitu lama sih but feel like a thousand years:p
and the last, im afraid my love for you will go away. i think, sometimes i feel bored to waiting. and, when you not online, i feel lonely and some jerk always come to my life. i hate this situation. i just want you, not others guy.

welcome august

hai bloggy how are you? im sorry for not posting, i was very busy. i have a lot good news nih bloggy yg gasempet di share beberapa bulan lalu. bloggy, Alhamdulillah aku keterima kuliah jurusan bahasa perancis hehe semua karena dukungan dari orang2 tersayang, especially him. he really really support me. he is the best man i ever had <3
now is august and im very love this month. you wanna know why? because thats my birthday month and in this month  a year ago, i meet someone. he's very very speacial to me. yep  he is jack smith. honestly, i havent feel to him but day by day he can touch my heart. i dont know why, i just do. he treat me right, he always make me happy, he never lie to me, and in his eyes, im his beautiful girl.
he said he never wanna see me cry, sad and hurt. he said that im the only girl for him. he said that he will be loyal. aaaah he is irreplaceable. he teach me alot of things. and he motivation me. he make me have alot of dreams, and he is a part of my dream. he made me like english language, he make me wanna going to Australia. yeah i'll go there to meet him. i wish i could
sometimes i got tired of waiting. waiting him to come to Indonesia again. i dont know when he will. if he can going here right now, sure he will. but he needs alot of money. he said i dont have to waiting him, but i dont know why i still do until now. and i still love him
so many man i know but he is the one that i really love. every little thing he did to me, nobody else can do. every li'l thing he do mean alot for me. he is my number one. i never felt this way before. he is the first. sometimes its sound weird but i dont know why.
i just hope he will going here again to meet me. lucky me to had him. and he deserve me too. he make me special because im special too :p
hope this month in this year will be better than august last year.